So, like, WTF?? After verifying that my special lady wasn't playing tricks on me, my best bet is that I somehow left my car unlocked and since it was raining last night, some drunk dude on his way home needed a warm dry place to eat his pizza. Lacking the stuff to make it home, he tested car doors until he found mine unlocked.
So to that guy, you're welcome. And thanks for not stealing my car or anything in it.