Duct-Taped Cat, Philly Grit and the Word on Street Cred

Look at the grit I wake up to in Philadelphia. How am I supposed to pretend I live in a civilized place when cute cats can't roam the streets without fear of hostile duct taping?

Many cities and areas lay claim to a birthright of street cred, as if by dint of being from Paramus you're endowed with gritty street-wisdom. This is declared by the applique of a clever nickname like 'The Dirty Jerze' or 'Strong Island' when referring to your native soil.

After three months in Philly, I'm here to level those claims as largely lacking in comparative grit and power. Particularly so when matched against anyone who truncates and appends their city as such: Nashville --> Nash Vegas. Good grief dude, look what I've got to deal with in Philly.